Nothing fully prepares you for this. They told you about love at first sight, the tiny clothes, how beautiful it all is. Much less about the sleepless nights, the body that doesn't yet feel like yours, the sadness that arrives without warning while you hold your baby.
I say this as a psychologist, but also as a woman and a mother: the postpartum period stirs everything up. And when you are far from your family, everything weighs a little more.
What you miss without knowing it
Back home, your mother, your sister or your oldest friend would have been there. Someone to hold the baby so you can shower in peace. Who turns up with a home-cooked meal. Who looks at you and says "it happened to me too".
Here, very often, it's just you, perhaps with your partner, in a language that isn't yours and with a healthcare system you are still learning to navigate. That invisible network holds up more than it seems. When it's missing, it's easier for tiredness to turn into something more.
You are not doing it wrong
In the first days it is very common to feel more sensitive, to cry for no reason or to feel irritable. It usually passes within a couple of weeks. If it doesn't, or it gets worse, it may be postpartum depression. It happens to far more women than you might imagine, almost one in six, and it can be treated.
Some signs:
- The sadness or anxiety is still there after two weeks.
- You find it hard to enjoy anything.
- You feel guilty, or feel you're not a good mother.
- You can't sleep even when the baby sleeps.
- You find it hard to feel connected to your baby.
Feeling this doesn't make you a worse mother. It simply means you need care too.
If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, ask for help today: call emergency services or speak to your doctor or midwife.
A space for you
In therapy we make room for all of it: what you expected and what it is actually like, the tiredness, the loneliness, the woman you were and the one you are becoming. Without judgement. And together we look for ways to weave a network here, however small.
The first session is free and you can do it from home, with your baby in your arms if needed.
